That Inner Critic – “That Voice”:
the one that criticizes and nitpicks everything you do or say? Yup – I know her well. I battled her for years. She would criticize my weight, question my abilities as a mom, my career as an Integrative Hypnotist, my hair or why I said something – basically everything. Leaving me feeling exhausted, anything BUT confident and just plain not “good enough”.
The GREAT NEWS is she no longer runs the show! (And it’s easier than you think to quiet her.)
Elizabeth Gilbert said this about fear and I think it is a perfect message to the inner critic:
“There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still—your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote.”
Simple steps for turning self-criticism into self-coaching:
1. Tuning Out the Mean Girl:
Just like when a song you don’t like comes on the radio, you can turn down the volume or simply change the channel. Become the master of your own inner channel.
2. Identify and Name Her:
Give your inner critic a nickname – it helps separate it from the real you. This makes it less authoritative when it pipes up. (Bonus if you name her someone you don’t like– it can make you laugh!)
3. Get Curious:
Instead of believing every criticism, get curious. Ask that voice questions like “Is this always true?” or “Where’s the evidence?” This loosens its power and puts you back in charge.
4. Boosting Self-Esteem:
Intentionally cultivate a nurturing inner voice to counteract the critic. Celebrate ALL your wins! Affirm your strengths, values, and self-worth with positivity and stop beating yourself up.
5. Set Boundaries:
Give your inner critic limited space with allocated inner criticism times, or say “not now” when it appears. Setting boundaries lets you control when you listen to it. (Like Liz Gilbert’s message above.)
6. Be Compassionate With Yourself:
Remember that inner critic stems from learning and survival mechanisms. Respond gently when it flares up, as you would with a child throwing a tantrum. By offering yourself grace, you can open up a doorway to self-compassion.
7. Learn Self-Forgiveness:
This one was really, really hard for me. I spent most of my life trying to be “Polly Perfect” and all that perfectionism ever got me was feeling even worse. There’s a beautiful Hawaiian prayer called “Ho’oponopono” you may want to consider playing with.
The more you put these steps into practice, the sooner you’ll feel your inner critic lose its sharp sting. Soon the mean inner voice becomes just background noise you can tune out, no longer running the show.
Like ANY habits, the more you practice these, the easier it will be to tune into calm and confident YOU!
And sometimes we all need the reminder that wisdom comes from listening to ourselves – not listening to critics!
