The logo for stephenie dalfonzo.

Childhood trauma – what happens in childhood doesn’t stay in childhood

Facebook
Twitter
Share
Pinterest
Email
Healing Childhood Trauma and Adversity

You know the line “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”?

Unfortunately, what happens in childhood doesn’t stay in childhood. Childhood trauma and adversity linger long into adulthood.

After working with thousands of adults over the years, I’ve come to understand that the vast majority of their issues were rooted in childhood.

A 46-year-old police officer developed a fear of driving over bridges. We traced the fear back to a childhood experience while in a car. A 62-year-old woman wanted help with her weight. Her root cause was when she was 5 and her father brought her home a present and her mother screamed and yelled.

Finally, there is more and more evidence based research that backs up what I’ve known all along – our childhood traumas (whether Trauma with a capital T or small t) doesn’t just get left behind in childhood.

Childhood Trauma & Adversity- The ACE Study

There was a groundbreaking research study done back in the 1990s that is only now really coming to light. It’s called the ACE study (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and was done in partnership between the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and Kaiser Permanente. It PROVES a direct correlation between childhood abuse, neglect and dysfunction and physical and mental health problems as adults .

17,000 adults were asked 10 questions about their childhood adversities.   Researchers then lined that information up with their current physical and emotional health as well as behaviors like smoking, drinking and drugs. The results were astonishing! The more ACEs you have the greater the risk of chronic health conditions like depression, anxiety, heart disease, obesity and diabetes. Also a greater propensity for risky behaviors like smoking, drinking and drug use.

I was shocked to see what my score was – this is one test you DON’T want to get a high score on.

Click here to take the quiz

The good news is, you CAN turn things around! I know from firsthand experience in my own life and from observing my clients that childhood trauma and adversity can be resolved.

I have this sign on my office door:

never too late to be what you might have been

Rewiring The Brain

There is more and more research coming out proving that our adult brains are more malleable, changeable and able to be re-wired than previously thought. The old belief was that by the time we reach adulthood, our brains had become “fixed” or “static”. While it’s true that our brains are more malleable (think PlayDoh) in our youth, our brains continue to have the ability to change and adapt until we die.

I’ve seen over and over again, adult clients break free of whatever their issue is and re-wire their brain to create the freedom they have been trying to achieve for most of their lives…

While I (truth be told) fall a little in love with all my clients, I’ve always had an especially soft spot for adolescents, teens and young adults. In 2016, a cover of Time magazine said teens are anxious, depressed and overwhelmed. The author, Susanna Schrobsdorff, tweeted “The hardest story I’ve ever had to write”. It was very hard to read too. The number of teens and young adults experiencing depression, anxiety and self-harming is rising at an alarming rate and they need help!

A recent survey by American College Health Association of over 63,000 students found 61% of them reporting they felt “overwhelming anxiety” in the past 12 months.  A 2015 survey by the Child Mind Institute reported “80% of children with anxiety do not receive treatment.”

Skills AND TECHNIQUE S Are EssentiaL!

I have said for many years that we need to be teaching  skills and techniques for managing emotions in schools. We are starting to see some of it slowly trickling in, but it’s not enough!

I have an initiative that for every copy of my book “Goodbye Anxiety, Hello Freedom” sold, one is donated to a school or organization that will teach the skills to children and young adults.

I’ve put together a special report with five simple skills and techniques  from the book to help  manage everyday stress and anxiety better. It has 5 deceptively simple and yet incredibly effective techniques you can begin using now.
CLICK HERE  to request your copy

 

Recently I helped a 14-year-old cheerleader completely re-wire her brain and eliminate her debilitating lifelong fear of dogs. After our first session, she was able to land a backward handspring for the very first time! After our second session, she earned a spot on the competitive cheer team as a freshman! She knew that, while we were working on her fear of dogs, these accomplishments were a direct result of the re-wiring of her brain! When we got to the “root cause” or initial event, it had NOTHING to do with dogs! (Not all childhood adversities are rooted in horrible calamities or tragedies). After our third session, I received this email from her mother:
Good morning Stephanie

I am so excited to tell you how wonderful Juliana did last night at the party. She was dropped off and I kept looking at my phone for texts from her. I didn’t get any. When I arrived at the party. There were not 1 or 2 but 3 dogs walking around and Juliana was standing in the same room. Not afraid,not anxious !! It was amazing for all to see. My heart is so full to see how “free” my daughter is now from the fear that has held her back for 14 years. Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough to say to you. I am forever grateful for what you have done for us. Bless you Stephanie. ❤

-Tina

This wise mother knows that we just changed the whole path of her daughter’s life! And what a gift to her two younger daughters too – who are witnessing firsthand that it is possible to overcome anything!

Another great example of changing the trajectory for a young person is Sarah, who came to me at 19 for her crippling fear of flying. She was absolutely refusing to go with her family on vacation to Mexico.  After a few sessions, we got to the root cause (which was not at all what she and her mother thought it was) and she enjoyed her family vacation. Five years later, I saw this posted on Facebook ==>>

fear of flying

Sarah has now traveled to all 7 continents and has her own business called The Five Foot Traveler. Talk about changing a path!

Both of these are great examples to help you understand what I mean by childhood Trauma with a capital T and trauma with a small t. The ACE study focused on capital T Traumas, but the small t traumas follow us into adulthood too.

I truly believe it is never too late. The oldest client I’ve worked with (so far) was 82 and her anxiety was crippling her health. At 82, she could no longer stand it. When we traced back to the root cause – yes, it it was rooted in early childhood. Unfortunately,  she had experienced a great deal of childhood trauma.  We were able to re-wire her brain and install new healthy patterns along with some new strategies and techniques to help keep her from sliding back into old patterns.

The key is that,  just as fantastic musicians and athletes have to practice and practice in order to become great, we need to consistently practice our new healthy emotional habits over and over again.

Life WILL throw us curve balls – adversity, like good luck,  is a natural part of life. But when we know that and have tools at the ready, we can maintain our balance – just like tree pose in yoga!

stephanie dalfonzo tree pose

Help Me Help Others

I’m on a mission: adolescents, teens and young adults need our help more than ever. If you have a connection to a school, college or university and would like me to come speak to students, staff or parents and guardians, please click here.

Are you ready to experience freedom from the past and embrace what’s possible? Click here for a free 15 minute consultation.

Finally, I would greatly appreciate if you would share this with friends and family. I believe EVERYONE can benefit from these skills.

Love & blessings…

Facebook
Twitter
Share
Pinterest
Email

Related Posts

NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON!

Recent Posts

What Other's Are Saying...

Overcoming Numbing Anxiety and Fear…

I was having a really rough summer, which led to numbing anxiety and plain fear. I woke up in the middle of the...
Stephanie Dalfonzo
2019-04-05T13:04:14+00:00

Jamie Siv Rognstad

I was having a really rough summer, which led to numbing anxiety and plain fear. I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep because my heart was pounding and it was hard to breathe. I had a lot on my plate, fun things, but was incapable of starting anything, so I turned to Stephanie for help. After just ONE session, things changed dramatically, and since then I have launched my program and am sleeping at night again. And the best thing of all, I get to do all the fun stuff!

My PTSD Is Gone

I had a serious car accident when I was 17 which landed me in the hospital and unable to walk...
Stephanie Dalfonzo
2019-04-05T13:11:32+00:00

T.G., NYC

I had a serious car accident when I was 17 which landed me in the hospital and unable to walk or go to school for several months afterward. I had recurrent dreams and moments of reliving the crash for months. Fast forward 38 years, and I had another car accident a few weeks ago. I was shocked to find that same crash recurrence happening again, and creating a lot of anxiety when I drove. Knowing Stephanie's talents, I immediately contacted her and set up a session. What I loved is that she didn't go back and make me relive the crash again but knew that there might be a different cause for the PTSD. Sure enough, we discovered it and healed it. I can't tell you the difference since our session. Not once recurrence, and while I'm still a little nervous driving (which isn't a bad thing) I have the whole thing in perspective, and that out of the blue PTSD is gone! Thanks so much, Stephanie. Your gifts are amazing and appreciated!

Success Is Exponential With Stephanie

If you are thinking that you don’t really need Stephanie . . . you’re wrong!!! I am here to tell...
Stephanie Dalfonzo
2019-04-05T13:12:46+00:00

Elly Kukk

If you are thinking that you don’t really need Stephanie . . . you’re wrong!!! I am here to tell you that you don’t even understand how much she can really help you. Success is exponential with Stephanie. I am now doing things in my business that I have wanted to do for years!! Thanks to Stephanie! The best way I can describe it in a “nutshell” is that she creates a safe space that allows you to release the old stuff that doesn’t serve you anymore. Then she helps you replace it with the things you want and the patterns and thoughts that help you get it. She has the expertise, experience, professionalism and drive to make her one of the best intuitive life coaches I have ever had! She has so many tools to use to help you succeed – from the unconscious to “nuts and bolts” – you’ll get it all. Then she has the methods to motivate and keep you on task. Most importantly for me is that she is intuitive so she can really tap into to what I personally need and want. She is worth the investment! I highly recommend her!!

Booked $20,000 Worth Of New Business…

Working with Stephanie has been life changing. She has helped me to release blockages that I didn’t even realize were...
Stephanie Dalfonzo
2019-04-05T13:25:45+00:00

Vanessa Judelman

Working with Stephanie has been life changing. She has helped me to release blockages that I didn’t even realize were holding me back from achieving the business success that I truly desire. After working with Stephanie for less than two months, the magic started to happen in my business. “Out of the blue” two ideal clients called me and I booked $20,000 worth of new business just like that! I have moved from anxiety and struggle to ease and faith. Thank you a million times over Stephanie. Your patience, guidance and unique talent have had a huge impact on my life and business.

Now I don’t start the day with the world issues crashing down on me

I started to work with Stephanie when I thought I could not fit one more thing into my life. I...
Stephanie Dalfonzo
2019-04-05T17:51:34+00:00
I started to work with Stephanie when I thought I could not fit one more thing into my life. I am so happy to admit that I was wrong and I am so grateful that I got to work with a passionate, compassionate and enthusiastic woman such as Stephanie. I have started a new biz about bringing more peace and love into the world, I work as an artist and writer and you would think I had time for self-care. I kept forgetting me every day. Stephanie helped me to reintroduce myself to myself and find the time to just be and breathe and know that the answers do show up. Now I don't start the day with the world issues crashing down on me. I take the time to meditate, breathe, ask questions and give myself the most positive pep talks I can give myself. Working with Stephanie was like working with a dear friend who has all the answers, but her humanity and kindness really resonated with me. I can't thank Stephanie enough for her willingness to help me see my gifts and that I will not just walk thru my life; I will run thru it with my dreams intact and a really good pair of sneakers!
0
0
Stephanie Dalfonzo